The original point of this blog was to do media analysis at least one post per month, which I have utterly failed at, as evidenced by no posts since the first incoherent ramblings on Dean Ambrose. So now I’m putting myself on blast publicly, as I am wont to do, which I thought would also be a useful time to do self reflection. One thing I do more often than anything else, though I honestly can’t tell if I enjoy doing it or not, is self reflection. I try to understand why I do the things that I do, why I feel the things that I feel, and why I am the way that I am. And one thing I for sure understand is my self loathing.
I don’t remember how the thought came to me exactly, but I did come to the conclusion that if I was in a room with myself, I would kill myself, or at least the other me; a combination of self hatred and identity crisis. I have a problem with other people named Nick, other people who have things like me, because in my mind its an attack, an insult to my identity. Maybe that’s crazy, but its something I understand about myself. Its like a lot of things I’ve come to understand about myself, a double edged sword; something that can be helpful and harmful. The dissatisfaction with myself pushes me to be better. Pushes me to be stronger, to go further. Complacency is my first step towards degradation, and I can’t allow myself to degrade.
I don’t do “New Years” goals because I try to always have goals in mind. Every day is a step towards them; and with that in mind, I want to reassess my goals and make sure I’m writing still. And now I have a post to shame myself when I don’t.
WIP: Work In Progress 